Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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