I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize