I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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