so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
