The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
