I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize