It's Friday. Sex?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
