he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
