You really coming over, don't trick.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
