Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
