my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
