Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
