After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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