ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
