Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
barbara walters just said penis...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
