Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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