She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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