omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No subtext here. People are naked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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