my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
