Pappa wants mamma naked
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
