You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You don't make any sense
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