definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
