i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
