Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
