I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
