Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
