38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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