OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
