from now on my penis is your penis
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
