Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
