Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
