You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
