If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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