My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
