this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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