Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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