dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
