Michael Bay diarrhea
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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