Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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