walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
