need another drink. this is the easiest way
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
