Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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