i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
