i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
