'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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