Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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