I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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