Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
