i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
