when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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