I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
