this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize