at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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