Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
