Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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