I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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