I'm lost and stupid without you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize