is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
