that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This house was built for laser tag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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