i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize