Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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