Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you made out with another girl for some wings
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
