My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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