My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
