i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize