Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
