Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
