Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
