Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
