If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
