Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize