saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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