I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
