i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
