So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
