Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
