so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
