i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
