Having a random hookup so left but love u
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
