Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize