I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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