i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
being pregnant is like rehab
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
