I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
