Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
