Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
