I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
