Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
