The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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