i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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