so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
