Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
operation harelip BJ is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize