Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
