yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
