I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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