Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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