Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
