I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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