I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
