Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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