i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
