I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
