I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
