She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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