If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
