I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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