Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
