Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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