I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dignity is for republicans.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Houston, we have a squirter
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
