There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
