____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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