i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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