The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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