I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
