Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
