What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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