420 ftw
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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