I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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