PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
