hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
