He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
