Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
