apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I AM VODKA MAN
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize